Oatmeal & the Dirty South

This morning I woke up late. For those of you who don't know, I started a new job and this is my second week. I'm making a great first impression. So, I did the total 2011 thing to do..I texted my boss and told her I was running late, but would be in very soon. Her response, "It's ok -breathe." Now, I got on the highway and my belly growled at me. I decided to take full advantage of her text and made a trip to McDonald's. what would 5 more minutes hurt.

As I pulled up to the golden arches the large bowl of oatmeal on the window caught my eye. Kudos to you and the food artist who made such a pretty  picture to which I was drawn too. But I couldn't help but think one thing. Who in hizzy gets oatmeal from McDonalds?

Why would you subject yourself to that? Just eat at home. You can get a box for like $2 and its not hard to make, you just add water. Besides, with a little piece of heaven on the menu you shouldn't even need a second option.  Dear McGriddle maker, I'd like to thank you on behalf of America. Those little pockets of Maple syrup with my sausage  couldn't be more delicious. I often wonder who the McGriddle maker is and if he or she is also responsible for the McRib. A) There names sound similar and B) Pretty sure the person who did invent both items was high and had the munchies. Your probably the same person who suggested the "24 Hour Drive Thru" too. God Bless you for that one! Maybe you just really like syrup and thought you had a good thing going for you with the McGriddle and you decided to branch out. Well, I don't think its a good idea. I'm sure its not even healthy. Not with the syrup and milk and whatever else you put in to make it look good. If you're at a fast food joint, being healthy clearly wasn't your first priority. Lets just chalk this one up as a loss. There is only one exception to this and that is little old man coffee drinker. I know its part of your routine to go and have a cup of coffee and breakfast with your old man friends. Your sweet faces make me smile as you discuss the weather and the latest town news. You have my approval to eat whatever you wish, I suggest the McGriddle.

I finally made it in to work and started working on a project. The project involved researching plumbing. I ran across a company called Dirty South Plumbing. I couldn't resist clicking on the link and this is what I saw.


A couple of things ran through my mind. Mainly, that I thought the owner of this company was a habitual user of illegal drugs. One might wonder how I came to that conclusion. Maybe it the skull head wearing sunglasses or the King Arthur crown. At least you spelled all the words right. I was so intrigued by this brand image I decided to make it my desktop photo.  I wondered how business for them was. They don't look too professional and probably pull up in your driveway in one of those white vans with no windows and that big skull on the side. They probably smoke a dooby on the way.

I sent this logo to several of my friends. I wanted to share this awesomeness with everyone I could. Of course, I work in advertising and one of the recipients decided to YouTube  their commercials. Imagine my surprise when I found out this company isn't even a plumbing company at all! An entire 2.5 minutes of  pipes set to "Can you take me Higher" by Creed.  I was so mazed by the gigantic image of the skull and King Arthur's crown to notice its a flippin pipe shop! They sale illegal drug paraphernalia! My first though was that my profiling of their image was right! Not only did they smoke weed, they have an entire store dedicated to various ways of smoking it!

It was all coming together now. But at this point I've now realized the image on my screen at work (my brand new job) is promoting a place that sales "coke spoons." What is a coke spoon? Not that I want to know, but how in the world are you selling it in a store. Why wouldn't the police just sit outside of this store and check people coming out of it? It would be similar to sitting outside of a bar and giving DUIs. Why should the potheads get a break?

It just doesn't make sense, a lot of things don't make sense to me, like why my dog likes to rub his body on dryer sheets or why when you get older you move to grandma panties. Or bloomers as  my mamaw calls them. Have you thought about what it must have been be like to be the person that shaved Brittany Spears head that dreadful day? Or why Michelle on the Bachelor got a black eye in her sleep last night.

I must commend these guys for such a creative name though. I'm sure they were high when they thought of it. I bet they hit the "24 hour Drive Thru" all the time and eat 20 piece nuggets and those 2 for a Dollar apple pies. Man i love McDonald's. I just wish they would bring back the Hamburglar and the cookies that used to come in the happy meals.