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Sunday, January 23, 2011

Mamaw...Really?

My entire life my grandma has collected cups. More specifically coffee cups. I find myself drawn to these unique pieces of porcelain and I'd like to thank her for that. Granted, I don't have near as many as she does - not even close. I think I may send a video of her and her cups to that crazy show on the Discovery Channel called "My Weird Obsession." Have you seen this? Let me recap for you if u haven't. One girl eats hair, not just her hair, but the follicles. Another, eats laundry detergent (powder style). She claims it is salty and sweet. I a very intrigued by this and I'd like to sit down and just ask her this one simple question - "At what point to you wake up and decide, today I am going to try a scoop of Tide." A third lady eats Comet. I don't know how she's not dead. Another lady sleeps with her hair dryer, on and wakes up with burns. Now clearly these people are a bit disturbed, but I find myself drawn to the show. I realize how "Uncrazy" I am every time I watch it.

Now, that I've just written that, I no longer think my grandmother is a good candidate for the show. While her obsession with coffee cups is quite odd, it's not hindering her health in anyway. As a matter of fact, people encourage her behavior when they come to visit. She has the cups hanging on her wall...sitting on the coffee table, bookshelves. etc. (see picture - I told her I was taking a picture for a project I was working on. ha)


"O, that's real cool." I hear people say. No it's not its weird. Mamaw, why? What have the coffee cups done for you? I guess this is similar to collecting shot classes except these take up much more room. They are from all over the place! I'll say, "O mamaw when did you go to the Bahamas?" she responds with, "I didn't, that one is from a  a yard sale, it was 10 cents." One is even shaped like boobs. Why, why do you have a coffee cup shaped like boobs. Now that I think about it, the last time I was rummaging around in the attic, I found a "toothbrush" shaped like boobs. I recall it saying something like "good for gum massage." Now, I don't ask questions....mostly because I don't want to know the answer. I'll just continue to think my grandmother is a huge supporter of Breast Cancer Awareness and I'll be finding a t-shirt that says "Save the tatas" any day now.

All grandmas are crazy right? I beginning to wonder if I will be just like her and what my obsession will be and if I will inherit this hoarder trait. Dear Lord, please don't let me end up on that show?Hoarders? Have you seen that one? People are nasty. I'm pretty sure your Mountain Dew bottle has zero sentimental value..THROW IT AWAY. Anything for ratings, but again, I find myself drawn to these train wrecks. So keep them coming.

Speaking of train wrecks, how about this chick that fell in to the fountain at the mall and is suing. Lady, you need a good swift kick to the a$$ if you cant laugh at yourself.  I saw you on TV crying, saying its not funny when its you. How much did that appearance bring you. You also said, u reached for something to grab on to, well what fountain has a handrail, idiot. They aren't meant for people to fall in to. I hope you get what you deserve, additional embarrassment for this ridiculous, joke of a lawsuit on your hands.

Looking back, I'm glad my grandma is collecting cups and not hoarding Mtn Dew bottles or texting. There are a lot weirder things she could be doing like sleeping with her hair dyer, which would be even more odd, since she barely has any hair. I'm not worried about her texting and falling in to a fountain because she just got a cell phone, that she doesn't even know how to use. She yells in to it at the top of her lungs as if the person is China, and that warrants a louder conversation. She seems pretty normal on her good days and she laughs at herself a lot. I can only hope to be just like her at that age and reading those trashy romance novels and sleeping in until 9am. How many old folks do you know that stay up until past midnight reading trashy love stories and the National Enquirer. Sleeping in and refusing to get out of the bed in the morning. All while staying her her pajamas until sometimes past lunch.

Yep, that's right...I think I want to be just like her. That life sounds perfect. Cups on the wall and all! Where do I sign?

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